Thrift Store Finds: Corporate Neckties

This week, we’re going to look at my small collection of corporate neckties. I don’t know what else to call these beautiful things.

You all know that I’m a fan of ugly neckties. Although I’m not the kind of guy who’s going to wear an eyesore like this around his neck every week, I do find that the ugly necktie, selectively employed, can be quite a good accessory. This is especially true when you’re teaching 160 ninth graders who’d just as soon be playing Temple Run on their iPhones than looking at your and listening to what you have to say about The Odyessy. I’m always on the lookout for a strange new addition to my tie rack.

“Corporate ties” are the blanket title I’ve given to any tie I run across which was clearly created for some sort or workplace or organization and ONLY for that workplace or organization. I own ties which feature Looney Tunes characters and I own ties which feature Marvel Comics superheroes… but that’s a different thing from what I’m talking about here. Take this first tie as an example.

thrift store finds: a fantastic four tie

This week’s thrift store find: A novelty tie! A GEEKY novelty tie!

A Fantastic Four tie! Got it for a buck.

Here’s the strange thing about this tie- with ALL the amazing covers the tie makers could have chosen to represent as a piece of neckwear featuring the Fantastic Four, the cover represented here is Fantastic Four #334, one of the least remarkable FF covers I’ve ever seen.

Oh, the cover is drawn by Walt Simonson, so it’s a beautiful interpretation of the characters… but not exactly iconic. The characters are just kind of… standing there. I don’t demand excitement in action in all my graphic ties (though it obviously helps in some cases).

Fantastic Four #334 was a part of Marvel’s big Acts of Vengeance crossover in the late 1980’s. In this big company-wide story, Thor’s brother Loki comes up with the brilliant idea of sending all the various super villans of the Marvel Universe up against heroes they had never fought before, thinking the tactical advantage would bring them success. Even by the standards of the time, this crossover was weak tea.

At any rate, the crossover explains why you can see all sorts of third tier supervillians in the background of this tie. most prominently featured are The Shocker at the tip of the tie and… The Beetle.

That’s right, ol’ Abner Jenkins gets more tie real estate than The Invisible Woman. What a world.

thrift store finds: rainforests ablaze tie

(Thrift Store Finds is a mostly-weekly “column” of sorts where I discuss some of the cool stuff I’ve happened upon in my neighborhood’s St. Vincent DePaul store. Please don’t mistake me for an expert on any of the things I am writing about… I’m just a fan of a bargain.)

LOOK AT THIS MONSTROSITY.

I don’t generally think of neckties as being depressing. Hell, generally, I don’t think of neckties at all! I have a couple of professional, solid colored neckties that I wear to work- black, dark blue, that sort of thing. I also have a couple of goofy “just for fun” neckties, the kind that anyone with a semi-professional job accumulates over a couple of years. I have one tie that’s covered with pictures of The Genie from Disney’s Aladdin movie, and another with Wallace and Gromit.

Those ties are just… ties. This one is a CALL TO ACTION. As I’ve always said, the best way to get someone interested in your environmental cause is by wearing an ugly necktie.

Made by a company called Endangered Species in 1996, this soul-crushing reminder of the planet Earth’s destruction features a parrot, a toucan, and a jaguar  five seconds before the habitat they live in is consumed by flames.

I bought this for $1, but I really want to know who paid full price for this fifteen years ago. Oh, and for some reason, this necktie has a title. “Rainforests Ablaze,” it’s called.

Have I worn it to work yet? You betcha.